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Esmé Cachonda was, in fact, a “e lifestyle and entertainment”—or at least that’s what her LinkedIn profile said. In reality, she was a former backup dancer for a reggaeton star who never quite made it, a part-time yoga influencer with 12,000 followers, a caterer for quinceañeras on weekends, and the undisputed queen of turning a trip to the grocery store into a three-act play.

Kari thought for a moment. She thought about the time her mom turned a flat tire into a “pop-up tire-changing workshop” that ended with free churros. She thought about the time the power went out, and Esmé performed a shadow-puppet horror movie using only a flashlight and a colander.

“Contracts are for lifestyles without passion ,” Esmé wailed. “Brenda has a unicycle rider. A UNICYCLE RIDER, Kari. What do I have?”

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